iced lemon tea

I am quite idealistic when I was young.

At my teens, I was amazed at the discipline and order in the military life. 

At 15, I decided to pursue a degree in nautical studies. When things didn’t go my way, I tried again when I was in college by trying to pass the PMA entrance exam. Blessed enough, I was selected at the top 600 of the 23,000 aspirants during that time. Quite a feat, yet i failed to join the top 270.

That was my first failed major exam. Usually, I may not be at the top but surely I’ll never be left behind - but not that time.

I’m a loser. I can’t accept defeat. And most of the time, I back-off not because I failed, but because I’m afraid to try.

But life was designed exactly that way. Failures and successes go hand in hand. We can never have every thing perfect… It’s either we’ll be disappointed or be disappointed more. 

And so I choose not to be disappointed by growing down. I remove expectations, and just do things as I ought to do and hold my OWN self responsible for it. No more, no less.

I surely received a number of accolades, but honestly I forgot the count how many. I’m fully aware that when I would start counting appreciation and criticism, am building up wastes. I was bullied when I was a kid… If I would allows myself to get affected by what the other people are thinking of me, I should be dead by now.

No one believes me then. As I’ve said, I’ve grown up a loser. Sometimes, I am tempted to think that “if they’ve only given me a chance” it could have been better.

But I struggled to get off the blame from other people. I am what I think I am.

The secret of life is contentment and the thought of “it could have been worse”.

We can pursue what we desire, but at the end of the day, only what’s on our hands are available for us to enjoy… we can choose to discard that though, and live in misery and pain of loss.

Growing down is to look down at what you’ve got, instead of what you should have. By doing so, your level of understanding grows but your expectation shrinks.

Don’t complain. Don’t whine. Don’t live in the praises of other men… they will just disappoint you. It fades. It doesn’t last long. Today, those people will speak well of you, the next day they are the same people who will throw dirt at you. If you receive praises, pass it on to God. If you receive disapproval, fine tune your attitude towards it.

Now having said that, let me said this: We can only hold ourselves responsible and only we, are accountable of our actions.  We can not take back what we’ve done and what other people would say about it. So we must be sure that whatever stuffs we do, it doesn’t worth regretting for.

Only then we can discover what true happiness is all about.

Contentment.

Got to watched The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

This isn’t a review, though I’d be happy to share a bit of what i feel about it. The plot is not good as the first movie. It appears to me like an alternate plot to the first released movie. I appreciate the making though, quite flawless at least, to my untrained eye. ^^

So what’s with the Title? It was the words Alex told to his dad, Rick, when the later was shot to -what looks like- death…

It brought me back down to memory lane 13 years ago when I was only 3rd year high school and my father was involved in a vehicular accident. I know I’ve told that story over and over again. He might have a second life out from it, I got mine also out of the same. so bear with me for the ‘nth time.

“You get beat up, you get tossed around, but you’re always standing there in the end. I never really thought of the world with out you. “

Quite the same words I thought. I never thought life could easily end that way. I’m not prepared, never have I thought that death could be that quick.

All this years my father showed persistence, patience and hard work. I know, co’z am a recipient of it in a lot of ways.

But it was an excellent revelation of the inner me. I displayed confidence all the while much more secured. Yet, when that tragic news broke to my ears, Everything around me simply turned dim. I literally know what does it mean “not to have a future”… including the poetical phrases like, “coming of a new dawn” (hehehe… quite corny… )

Every time I remember that day and the age-stricken face of my parents, prompts me to do more… to give more… Time is getting short obviously, that’s what the hurry is all about.

It gave meaning to my life.  It’s easy to forget and  look down to someone we have no relationship with. 

But if we could only realize how possible it is to be a blessing as often as we could be, then life will never be that dull.

My father did his part so well. It wasn’t easy but it was full.

What I’ve got now are bit and pieces of examples am living my life by.

I hope i will not be that scared when the real stuff arrived, that what he have shown  will strengthen me. that me too, “…will be someone who were get beat up,  get tossed around, but were always standing in the end.”

….that someone could say of me, “I never really thought of the world with out you.”