iced lemon tea

parang kelan lng… eto na.. hindi ka na daw baguhan.. kaya wala ng
dahilan para magkamali-mali reports mo.. o di kaya, ndi comprehensive
analysis mo hehehe… sabagay, 3 months ka ba namang night shift na
tanging kasama mo sa work ay mabait at mayroong “inquisitive
mind”(super pala tanong) na auntie(yan tawag nila dito sa kung sa atin
ay tita).. minsan, sa hirap mag english dito parang gusto mong sumigaw
sa lab.. di mo alam kung gusto mo siyang sigawan o gusto mo lng talaga
isigaw yung hirap ng loob mo. kasi pag sinabi mong process as ‘prases’
magdamagan kayong magka what?-watan.. kasi ang tamang bigkas pala daw
ay ‘prowses’..hehehe sabi ng boss ko, british culture daw kasi sila
kaya yung grammar, british english, at ako naman daw american culture
yung previous work ko.. .eeiw…. really? o sadyang slow lng ako? kung
ang tagalog ay mahilig sa “e” sa dulo, sila mahilig sa “lah” o basta
may “h” hehehe.. tulad ng lagi kong naririnig, “Anjo, don’t leave me
lah!” *eherm* kaya pag di mo dinagdagan yan sa dulo, manalangin ka na
na sana, wag magtanong o kaya di narinig..hehehe…

Last week, i stumbled on the topic about clinical depression sa net,
and wow!! all symptoms are positive sa akin hehehe.. yung suicidal na
tuliro na ewan… buti na lng na counter ko hehehe..after doing 12-hr
night shift last thu mrng, dumiretso ako sa “revenge of the sith” at
9:30am.. dont worry guys, nasa tamang pag-iisip na ulit ako. one good
thing is, mababait din naman “ata” sila.. kasi tulad ngayon, dami kong
uwing chocolate at marsh mallow tsaka yung dalawang bote na intsik
nakasulat (sana masarap :D) na di ko alam.. so far, di muna ako
complain… observe muna hehehe…

yung parang pansit na ewan(P32.00), yun ang common breakfast nila.
sarap na sarap sila diyan lalo’t may chili sauce. minsan breakfast ako
sa mcdo, chili sauce lng available sa french fries, nagsisi tuloy ako
bakit nagpasanay ako sa catsup sa pinas hehehe…libre kape dito..
brewed pa… sabi ko baliktad ata… yung instant coffe pa ang mahal
dito… since yoko ma adik sa kape, ayan… malamig na gatas na lng
ako lagi (libre e :D)

then HDB flats naman yung common na tirahan dito.. parang tenement
style.. yun yung bldg across sa pic sa baba. then, yung pic sa gilid
ng bus stop (landscaped, may bulaklak), yun lng gawa ko hehehe…
hopefully makagala na rin me… sensiya na, ala akong pic kasi ala
akong taga kuha hehehe…

as i’ve said, no cash sa train at bus. lahat naca-card, automated…(sabagay pede mag cash kaso mas mahal) di dito
naiintindihan ang CR, toilet tawag nila.. yung elevator, lift..
(british nga) tapos na kwento ko na ba na dalawa yung toilet set nila?
yung isa yung common na toilet bowl sa atin.. yung isa naka squat ka
hehehe… may kasamang hose with free flowing water hahahha… but
then, yan prefer ko **GROSS** i-attach ko nga sana pic e hehehe…

miss you guys! hope you’re all doin’ well.

This past few days was really boring tho’ adventurous.
Naabutan pa ng chinese new year yung S-PASS Card ko,
so friday, the 11th ko pa makuha, then sa monday pa
daw actual start ko and that is, a 2-day orientation
pa.

Thanks for the responses nga pala. Kahit papano,
naging entertainers din yung mga mails niyo. hehehe..

My medical exam was okey and clear. Yung pila sa MOM
is only to get a Q(queue) number then upo ka lng at
tatawagin ka to pass the required docs. Of course, mga
sanlibo ulit na bayaran. After that, bibigyan ka ng
mapa para pumunta sa kabilang ibayo for finger
printing and photo.  I was walking with my map wide
open and counting my steps under the sun ng biglang
may sumigaw sa akin na lumalapit ng mabilis. He has
some wires on his ears and dress neatly. Kinabahan ako
at mukhang secret service ang dating niya. He’s
pointing at me. I want to run but i can’t, nakupo..
Changi prison na ata landing ko. I scan the place
where am in, baka kako nasa gitna ako ng daan at
na-jaywalking o di kaya nasa restricted area wahehe…
Hiniritan ko na lng agad ng tanong pampatanggal ng
kaba. (Whew! iba pala talaga maging foreigner,
everything is a wonder of beauty and fear!), "Hi, I
think am lost. Can you help me locate this place?"
sabay turo dun sa map. hekhekhek… ang hirap talaga
kabahan sa ilalim ng napaka-init na araw. Buti na lng
at mukhang gusto naman niyang tumulong. He showed
the way and i did say a lot of thank you’s, para
kunyari mabait ako…hehehe.. Well, i end up sitting
at the park for an hour listening music thru my fon
habang nagtatanggal ng init sa maghapong paikot-ikot.
kakapagod na kakatawa.

At the hawker’s place, yeah.. alang tissue..grrr.. For
two times i asked for extra rice para dun sa 3-viand
meal ko, but it always ended up with 2 meals na tig-
tatatlo ang ulam…sabagay dalawa nga naman ang rice.
Ang hirap mag argue kasi naka-serve na.. yoko naman
makipag-away kaya kelangan kong ubusin yung dalawang
meal huhuhu… i attempted thrice.. dalawa yung
palpak, buti pa yung isa nakakuha ako ng isang cup of
rice at P15.00.hehehe.. 1995, isang kilong bigas na to
ah! the only good thing is, di ko sila kilala kaya ok
lng na magmukha akong gutom(e, sa gutom nga e)
nilalayo ko na lng yung isang plate sabay biglang
lipat sa plate ko pag ubos na, tapos ilalayo ulit yung
empty plate para kunyari iba may-ari hehehe… but
really, i won’t do that again!yoko na humingi ng extra
rice. 

Last thing, Napagkakamalan ako laging 18-year old
student… hrhrhrhr….

update sent to friends 07FEB2005

Me here on my 4th, boring day. The environment, though

sizzlingly magnificent, is kinda unfriendly. Why?

Dalawang oras po akong nag-ikot ng nag-ikot sa SIEME's

st. (kung tama ang spelling), finding my way home. I'm

tired and hungry.. Ang Burger is P300.00 sews!!, and

drinks pinakamura P40, yun  yung tipong buko juice sa

tabi-tabi, e limang piso lang to diyan sa alabang e

hehehe... pinakamura sa turo-turo na isang hita ng

manok at kanin, P70.. bwehehehe... People are crazy.

You can't stop thinking who's right in front of you

and who's at your back, not only that they look

different, (black to white.. may yellow pa ata hehehe

siguro may sakit sa bato!), tapos sinkit to bilog ang

mata.. and yes, colored pa ang mga mata.. not only

they vary in their looks and dresses, pati kamo amoy

pabago-bago din.. Pag may pumasok na indiyan sa MRT,

hehehe papasimple na ako niyan sa kinda malayo kasi

kind sensitive smell ko e hrhrhrhr..

Kahapon napunta ako kina Ina (another tupvian and

amkor-nian) ang guess what.. sumakay ako ng bus at

nag-antay na nag antay na dumaan yung bus sa familiar

block na malapit sa place nila. Pero after an hour,

dinala lang ako ng bus pabalik sa station na tsaka pa

lang ako bumaba..  i don't know how much that cost me

sa e-z card ko kasi same place lang binabaan ko. (Yes,

yung bus nila parang naka MRT card na din, kinda lower

being ka pag nag-cash) hehehe...buti umikot lang yung

bus.. yung place pala nila nasa likod lang ng MRT

STATION, tok!.. nagiging slow na ata ako dito...

8pm here ay parang 6pm lang sa atin, so yung 8am...

kayo na mag-isip. Yung expressway walang bakod ng

katulad ng bakod natin.. people here assumes na hindi

dapat tumawid sa expressway.. exactly the opposite sa

atin no?

Everywhere is hanep sa landscape, i wonder where are

the police? yun pala may cam sa bawat corner ng

roads.. Another thing... wala akong makitang security

guard kahit sa MRT hehehe...

Well, personal obervation lang naman po to.  Mamya,

balik ako ng admiralty to check for my medical

results.. pag hapon na, bukas pa ako makakapunta ng

MOM. .so most likely.. di pa ako makakapasok this week

at wala din ako sasahurin. Good for me, libre place ko

at breakfast hehehe *kapal*

02FEB2005

As it was, so it is now. It’s just like another high
school graduation. The feeling of being at the
crossroad is always straining to the heart. The
camaraderie through the years is too precious to be
left behind. And the corny jokes we shared will now
exist as reverberation of a sweet past. For many hours
that am stunned with the sudden surging knocks of
opportunity and the sad reality of losing in sight,
the people I learned to value most.  You are that
people. I wish, I could show it more than words. I
wish I could be more expressive. But on how grateful
I am, can only be described in a non-existing world.
The first job after college is more than a training
ground. You have to wrestle between fears and
confidence, trust and competitiveness, even between
being a good leader and a good subordinate. And I am
convinced I learned much of them if not all, and I am
more determined now if not confident enough.

Now is yesterday’s tomorrow, where you are expected to
do greater things with the greater knowledge and
skills you acquired. Comes with the earned wisdom, is
much greater responsibility and a much broader role.
Reminiscing our ups and downs, and backtracking the
peaks of encouragement and discouragement we received,
I could say that it is a skillful motivation that
drives the team to excellence. I am writing this piece
to you as a friend, and more likely, as a brother…
to remind each one to remember the past, remember the
people who helped and their contributions, remember
the lessons learned, sort out the good, trash down the
bad, and cleverly build yourselves on it. There’s no
more useless than the time spent with no learning’s
drawn.

Joy is not the same as happiness. I may not enjoy
anymore the same happiness I’ve shared with you, but
am surely bringing with me the joy of knowing you all.
Every one of you makes a block or more, of my being.
Every laughter is marked well in my thoughts, and
every tears shed, still drowns my heart. Your lives
have been a blessing to me in one way or another. Your
successes and strengths lifted me up in my despair…
And your failures and disappointments encouraged me to
care more and be vigilant.

Often, people do tributes to fallen heroes. But while
you are alive, I want you to know that I remember the
good things you’ve done to me. Yes, only the good
things, for i know no bad things. I am not shaken with
the so called "bad things" for even bad things were
turned around by God for my good, shaped my being,
hardens my armor and shielded me well from more
hostile attacks. I want to thank you - for being a
friend, and am reminding you that friendships were
always meant to last. I may be going off-line for now,
but our memories and prayers will always be on-line.

Make excellence you goal and always remind each other:

We were not created for momentary happiness,
But were purposely created for eternal joy.

…only if we pursue godliness and desire holiness!

-written for my ex-ATP-officemates 18Jan2005

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” – Proverbs 29:18

Vision here means revelation… teaching… preaching. God’s people must always be guided by His Word, His wisdom… No ifs - no buts, else they will perish.

Nothing comes good to people, or group of people without a vision. They simply lost themselves to failure. Vision is not a written statement like that posted on our corporate walls, or classrooms. It is something we look forward to achieve, to fulfill… to complete.  It is that spirit that drives the football team, the mission crusades, the young people’s camp, the local church, and even a small bible study group.

Recently, i received complain from a local church’ youth group of their inactivity and lack of support from the church herself. i can feel, and do share with their frustration. They want something to stir up their fellowship and find satisfaction on the things they do, yet they find themselves wading on the high seas with no visible island on sight.

Last year, i set up with them an order of activities for them to accomplish. We organized small groups of five and giving each group different task and time table to carry out the same. Personal relationship and unity were emphasized and Christ-centeredness and Bible-based fellowship must always be in focus. No compromise. They re-started their Sunday school and group fellowship every Sunday afternoon. Planned to attend inter-church fellowship and generate funds to support their activities. The goal then was to produce leaders from that 15-member young people of a 70-year old church. Everything goes smoothly and everybody was so excited in the new avenue of growing in the Lord. They have things to do, goals to meet and well-planned activities.  But then, it was interrupted by people who says they weren’t doing things right. Then those same people are changing things, stopping the program, stopping the scheduled activities. They said that a cell group meeting on member’s houses is too complex for the small group to handle and thus, they have to start first inside the church premises. I thought then that these people are doing’ things right. Trusting their wisdom, the group let go of the original plan and submit to that new rules. But it was just a start of a suppression-like strategy. All activities were being scrutinized. Funds generated were getting their attention. To the point that the weekly YP (Young People) sunday school was cancelled because the YP "weren’t learning", and "contributes nothing".

It was almost a year ago, since the previous road map was cancelled. And so the YP find their selves lost again. Having no vision, they’re losing confidence. They do not know where they’re going to and if they’re still on the right track.

In the Bible, we have a profile of our past and future. It is the future that gives us hope, and sense of value. We want to know as much as possible everything about the future.  We became disappointed and discouraged when we’re lost to ourselves. We don’t want to wander in the dark. We want security… we want to feel certain of where we are heading to. People, who lost hope, fell dead to themselves. They became lifeless individuals incapable of deciding for themselves.  They soak themselves in the dark corner awaiting no rescue. To them, it is the end.

Vision must be administered to and by individuals to their own selves. You have to rise up from being dung. Find your real purpose. Identify yourself. Acknowledge your weakness, beef up your gifts. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not. Am telling you, you’ll just end up living in fear. Fear that people might discover the real you and might not like you. Dishonesty to others much more to your self always creates fear. Be the real you. Confront your infirmities, wage war against your wrongs. Focus on your gift. Enhance it. Pursue it with excellence. 

Vision-controlled people are contagious. They inspire people and change the community, sometimes unknown and unnoticed. How many of us tell of people who inspired us without them knowing? Everyone have their own story to tell and have individuals in their mind that molded them in some way, to what they are now. We ourselves are product of people we look up to. People who for us, were succesfull, and worth emulating to. Unknowingly, we do the same to our friends, to a guy or girl next door. And most of the time, we are distinguished not on the things we say but on how we live the things we say.  Without those people who inspired us and teached us, we are a part less than what we are. And if we try to live exclusively on our own? - - - we’re nothing but -again- dung… wasted.

No one can appreciate the height of a mountain without experiencing first the hardship of climbing up. To appreciate the level of your growth, you either have to come down from where you are or go up to the next level. You can’t just settle from where you are, else you will fall. You were given a day to grow and draw knowledge from it, not to be stagnant and ignore its blessing. The blessing of tomorrow is another blessing. Each day has its own gift to you. Grab it. Live with it.

We can only enjoy our day to day lives if we are vision-powered people. Christians have their own sure guide to be certain of their daily journey. They have a continuous lamp under their feet, and have a consistent light in their path. And not only that they’re sure of every step they take, they are also confident where they’re heading to… they are in transit to their real home. They never back off from looking unto Jesus, the author and the finisher of their faith.

Now that is vision.

thanks to mic caldo for the topic

i have a lot of desire, and even since am a child, wished to change a lot of things. I tried once to make a floral garden in front of our house and designed a landscape in my memory, but wasn’t able to finish because of impatience. I find transporting soil from the backyard so slow and tiresome. I feel i’ve exerted enough effort and drained my strength already, yet the soil i brough wasn’t enough to make an elevation i desired. I want to finish the task though, so i hurriedly put on rocks and began planting.
The result? lousy round of stones and discolored land surface.

There’s a time i want to have a vegetable garden at our backyards. I began tilling the land. After digging up a certain area, i began making the soil finer by removing peebles and other undesirable elements. I even use a net to filter out the peebles. I want that perfect yet halfway, i stopped. A day is not enough and i began planting veg stems. A week later, another lousy garden was formed at our backyard.

One day, i make a fishpond besides our house… i like colored fish then. For a week, i enjoyed gazing at the fishes, feeding them by digging worms and cutting it into small pieces and putting some plant inside. Cheap but a real entertainment for me. Then i noticed some leak and decided to place some almagra-like material (fine cement-like material) to prevent seepage. I know i shoud have wait another day to make sure it is dry before returning the fishes. But then, i find it hard already in the afternoon, so i put back the fishes and the turtle that had been with me for two years.

The result? hardened fishes and turtle in the morning. I am on my third year in high school then. I am so disappointed that i stayed at our backyard the whole day, gazing at the area where i bury my beloved turtle and fishes. I broke the fish pond and never build one again.

Through out those years, i should have learned enough already about patience. More than 10 years, i’m still amazed the value of patience, with no full appreciation of its value. Everyday i’m still wondering if i learned enough, only to find myself being the old impatient me.

God created the heavens and the earth for 6 days, waited forty days and forty night before overflowing the earth with water.
Jesus waited 30 years before he began his public ministry. waited 3 and a half years before facing pilate and be scourged for the sins you and i have done.
He endured the last 12 hours of his life as an eternity of suffering, spent a lengthy 3 agonizing hours at the cross, feeling the thousand nerve cells shouting pain in his head, hand and in his feet.

There’s no short cut in doing a perfect task. Everything must respect and follow the process religiously. For until we will learn to submit ourselves to order, we’re producing nothing but fake products and false outputs.

at 6:30am, May 6,2005 at tried taking this pic using the night mode of my mobile fon. It’s still dark and i have to be still to take a good shot.  I must be patient and not be destructed by passing cars and people who’s wonderin’ what am doing at that bus stop :D. i think i gave pic the justice she deserves. next time, i’ll use the real cam in taking pics..

Patience can’t be learned in a minute or an hour. It must be lived out.

Today is Mother’s Day!

30mins pasts midnight, my mom sent me a message telling me first how happy she is on this day…

i’m not an actor. i don’t know how to cry. even at my lowest, i want to pour out my feeling through crying but i can’t, no matter how heavy i feel things are. But my mom… sweet words from my mom… always melts my rock-hard tears. She rarely shows her emotion. so rare that the moment she expresses what she felt is too precious to me.  I told her i wish nothing for her but smile. I want her entire life filled with laughter. i am not a pefect son. i have my wrongs.. both known and unknown to her, and for that i asked her forgiveness.

Her authority over me didn’t fade over time. she gave me my own identity.. without her, i would be lost.  Her words remain tough and strong. No, i am not a mama’s boy. i am a rebellious child by nature. But she never failed to wake me up back to my senses whenever am overwhelmed with emotion and fear.

Whenever i express insecurities and doubt on my quest for personal growth, she always ends up telling me, "you might not have a choice but you still have an option. Go Home!". It’s not meant to discourage me, rather showing me that failure is not an option. Co’z  even if i will fail, she’s ever ready to take good care of me, making a winner out of me again. She knows well that i don’t want to go home as a loser.

Through all these years, i prayed nothing but that on every morning of her life she’ll always wake up in surprises.

Today, i bought her a cake, telling her again how much i love her. She’s 2000km away, but i can see her smile slicing her first cake in her entire life, i can hear her laughter too. She received also her first bunch of flowers from me last Feb14,2004. i can only hope i made her feel special, and that her motherhood was a success.

Mom, i only pray God will give me life enough to offer you an overflowing joy every seconds of your life.

i can imagine a grade 4 pupil laughing out loud on a first grader. he thought knowing the four fundamentals of math makes him a math genius already. But underestimating one’s capacity can never add an ounce to what you already knew, making it senseless and by no way valuable.

-

Posted - 5/22/2003 9:55:00 PM

The Bible is His Word, employing humans as writers. You said why he didn’t just put the message right across the sky?  The red sea has been parted and 7 plagues attacked Egypt. Yet none believed.

No miracle can easily convince an unbelieving heart.

-

Posted - 7/27/2002 4:17:57 AM

An unbeliever may contest why God did not intervene on the suffering of His people. The Bible has its own lists too, of godly people who suffered and even died crying to God. Jesus himself wasn’t exempted. I’m sure you know what transpire at the cross.

Why? Joseph, Moses, David, Solomon, Job, almost all heroes of faith suffered. What i have seen is only a speck of what God hold to answer you, whenever you will question Him on the appointed time. One thing is evident why He permitted it. He has a plan. Why He permit this, why he doesn’t permit that. I would say so that it will all end to agree on His established Master plan.

To be a christian is to suffer. We have Christ’s Word on it. The Apostles and early disciples were dragged naked til they breath their last. others crucified, placed in a boiling oil to death, struck with arrows or stones til they died. Yes, they cease to breath the air we breath, but they are awaken into the newness far from what we can comprehend.

They are awaken in glory. There they’ll see that this world is not their home. Christians are mere sojourners here on earth.

When they suffered, they became like gold. purified thru the pounding and extreme heat. God is making them pure.

-

Posted - 7/24/2002 1:01:06 PM